365 days of being Sister Mcgrath. I hit my one year mark this week but am more confused than anything. What? How did this happen? It was so weird I went back in my journal and read the entry from that day exactly one year ago, when I got set apart and when I lost my ID and when I found it, when I woke up on the 23 and practically ran through security to shove down the pain of goodbyes, my first MTC day, all of that seems so much like it happened yesterday and also sooo long ago. I sound like such a little kid in my journal its almost embarrassing haha :) "I'm still learning how to follow the Spirit" HA SIS MCG ITS YOUR FIRST DAY! I can honestly say I'm one year older and wiser too. It is crazy how much I've slowly become a different person when I wasn't even watching, looking back though makes it blaringly obvious. So yep, this week I've just been going through some basic amnesia patient questions like who am I, where am I, how did I get here, etc.
On a less existential note, last pday we ran and then played volleyball and basketball. who knew- I'm waaaay competitive. I should have (but didn't) sat out to cool down because it was getting way intense. I may or may not have slammed into Sis K and trash talked her. I wrote her an apology note though :) It was so much fun and we were probably sweating more from laughing so hard than from anything else. haha fun fun fun
We taught Tatay B this week and it is so hard to control the lesson he is all over the place with the topic. We were trying to talk about the temple and I asked him what the temple is for/why we have temples and his first response is so that when the devil falls from the sky all the spikey spear like things on the manila temple will stab him through. deeeeep breattthhh. Good idea, but no. i wish i could just record all of the crazy things people say sometimes so I can laugh about it later.
An elder in our district had a bday and we suprised him after work in the office with a cake. things got a little crazy and some elders slapped frosting on my face which lead to a cake war....everyone's faces were frosted :) don't worry we cleaned it up. it was very sweet :)))))))))))) puuuuunnnyyyyy!!
We had a community service project ripping out weeds and other nature with our hands. Man, I am just so grateful we had a garden and I'm not a complete dunce when it comes to hard work. I am so grateful my first time touching dirt is not on my mission WHEW! Nevertheless I gave a bit of a plant pulling 101 class to those who were less fortunate than I and didn't have parents to teach em how to till the ground. It was great cause then this little puppy came running around and I just grabbed it and held it like a baby and watched my students weed like pros. haha its all about delegation ;) just kidding i worked hard too promise :)
We were looking for some soul to teach this week and came across a bday celebration. Sis j kept walking but I stopped and said "no this is the perfect opportunity!" and we interrupted, introduced ourselves, and within 3 mins had a plate of cake and were one of the family. People are very very nice, not a lot of them progress or ever will come to church, but they will feed you their own bday cake upon first meeting. deep sigh.
Update on that poor lady- we went to her a couple times this week but she was busy doing things, stirring the trash she collected of rotten food in a big pot for her pigs and stuff like that. I grabbed some juice pouches and crackers from our house and quietly gave it to her, even though we couldn't teach her we can still be nice. She broke out in the biggest smile and her whole countenance changed. It made me sad of course that we might drop her as our investigator, but she's still my sister. I don't blame her for not giving 2 well dressed rich girls who probably don't understand what she's going through the time of day when she's got mouths to feed. But like Elder Holland says, I may not be my brother's keeper but I am my brothers brother. It's true, I've got no idea what its like to be that desperate, but that doesn't mean I cant hug and cry and support her through.
This week we were finally able to teach L again, the less active we found forever ago who yelled "mormons?" at us. its been 9 weeks since our last time we shared to her, work and timing and shes going between 2 houses so its nearly impossible. we sat with her and she got emotional and told us that ever since our last visit out words have been running through her mind about repentance and the gift of the atonement. She has depression and can't sleep and says that her sins are literally eating her away. As she talked and talked to us, I felt like I was looking down at her in a deep, deep hole. She says she can never forgive herself for what she's done and says that she can't get out alone. My testimony of the atonement burned within me and through tears I promised her that the atonement of Jesus Christ covers everything, no matter how tall, wide, or deep. We talked about the title of Jesus Christ as Savior meaning literally that, her Savior. she looked at us and questioned "really?" as if she wanted it to be true so bad. We were throwing down a rope in that deep deep hole and begging her to grab on and we would help her out the best we can. The atonement really is light, and it dispels the darkest of fears and discouragement. I cant describe the love I had for her as we were in that lesson, it was radiating out of my heart! It really is so true, no matter how rich you are, how many things or jobs you have, how smart or talented you are, like her, if there isn't Jesus Christ it is all nothing. She told us that her life truly is hollow because she's turned away from the church. It was a very intense lesson and the love and desperation of helping her was so strong. I could write 10 more years about her and all the deep thoughts I've had this week about the atonement and the saving power of Jesus Christ, but times a ticking.
This week we've dropped even more investigators who aren't really progressing. Sometimes I wonder if anyone I've ever taught or meet will ever not end up in the dropped pile. Even our ward mission leader asked why are there so many dropped and what's the problem. Ouch. But I'm keeping the little flame of my hope alive and trying to block it from the wind! I know I am doing my best, I know I am being obedient, I know that I am going above and beyond and that there is no effort wasted. its ok that I can't see any fruits or results, its ok. It's not about me, none of this work is about me. I had a little cry this week, hugged it out, ate some sugar, and everything is fine. Missions are hard.
In the midst of the hardness, rain, this rough hard hearted area, there still is so much that's beautiful. So much I'm grateful for and so much joy I'm finding in the journey, not the destination. We've been keeping our spirits up with lots of rounds of Speed with the kabahays, music, and cookie dough. I'm pretty sure in every stage of life not just missions, there are hard times, so what better time than now to find silver linings?
Life is good, missions are hard, missions are the best, I love it, what more can I say. I love you all family you are the best thing i have! miss you and love you so much!!
<3 sis mcgrath
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